The Self-Reinforcing System: Understanding The Imbalance In Male-Female Dating Dynamics
Début de l'événement
09.12.2022
Fin de l'événement
09.12.2022
Description
I think the best starting point for this discussion is to imagine yourself (a man) being in a place surrounded by attractive women with none of them approaching you or giving you signals of interest. If this continues you will either say "screw it" and not bother trying at all, or you will start approaching the women yourself and try to make things happen that way.
In fact, this is the default situation for men in this society. Single women (those who are at least somewhat attractive) will almost always do nothing to meet men, and men, faced with this reality, buck up and make almost all the effort to meet women.
Now look at this from the other side. If you're a woman who is at least somewhat attractive, men will approach you and make you dating offers on a pretty regular basis. So you will have no motivation to do anything proactively since opportunities are handed to you. And if you're in situations/places where men are not regularly approaching you and making you dating/sexual offers it's because you are preemptively rejecting them through your body language. After all, men are greatly encouraged to pursue women and when they don't it's because the women are standoffish to the point that the men don't even try.
Think of it this way. Let's say I'm your business partner and you're more ambitious than I am. I can do less work and you will take up the slack, and the less work I do the more work you have to do to compensate because you want the business to succeed and you NEED me as your partner because I have something you want which you cannot produce yourself. This is the way it is with women. Women slack off when it comes to meeting men and men take up the slack because they WANT women and what they provide (female company and sex), and this is enforced by cultural norms. This culture tips the scale in the direction of men doing more and women doing less, which becomes the slippery slope which we now know as men doing too much and women doing too little, due to the effect of cultural conditioning and positive feedback which pulls even more men into the loop. Understanding how female archetypes and the men who love them interact reveals the deeply ingrained patterns in our dating culture.
Here's a thought experiment. Imagine a hot woman who is used to being approached all the time by men and who never does any approaching herself. Imagine if this woman were suddenly placed in a culture where the reverse dynamic takes place, in which women habitually approach men and men rarely approach women. This women would suddenly find herself dateless, and unless she were to start approaching men herself she will remain so. In fact, you can bet that after enough time has passed this woman will eventually start approaching men herself. The dynamic is stacked against her and she has no other choice but to play along.
A culture can condition its citizens to be enforcers of a certain dynamic, and once a critical number of enforcers is reached that dynamic becomes self-perpetuating. It is only when the society-wide harm done by this dynamic becomes so intolerable (relative to any gains), that large numbers of people start to forcibly take themselves out of the loop. In other words, these people recognize that any gains they receive by enforcing the dynamic (playing along) are no longer worth the misery that goes with it. As a result, they stop being enforcers and the dynamic begins to shift. The concept of how women in different cultures approach dating and relationships shows that this dynamic is not universal and can be changed.
Consequently, the only solution is for men to start collectively doing less where women are concerned, and start expecting women to be more proactive. This is one of those situations where a few independent minded individuals won't make any difference in the collective female behaviour. As such, the only real power an individual has is to refuse to play the game and to operate on the fringes of what works, such as by selecting only for those few females that aren't part of the collective bad batch.
But if we want women to start acting better as a whole, then men as a group have to start acting in accordance with that wish. In other words, we have to collectively exert selective pressure on women to force them to change, and if they don't, weed them out. The total package that drives women wild requires that men stop enabling the current imbalance. And this in turn becomes selective pressure of the biological kind in which their "bad behaviour genes" don't make it to the next generation.
In fact, this is the default situation for men in this society. Single women (those who are at least somewhat attractive) will almost always do nothing to meet men, and men, faced with this reality, buck up and make almost all the effort to meet women.
Now look at this from the other side. If you're a woman who is at least somewhat attractive, men will approach you and make you dating offers on a pretty regular basis. So you will have no motivation to do anything proactively since opportunities are handed to you. And if you're in situations/places where men are not regularly approaching you and making you dating/sexual offers it's because you are preemptively rejecting them through your body language. After all, men are greatly encouraged to pursue women and when they don't it's because the women are standoffish to the point that the men don't even try.
The Positive Feedback Loop That Perpetuates Imbalance
The dynamic is self-reinforcing. Men pursue women because women do almost nothing to meet men or make it easy for them. And the women don't pursue because they don't want to labeled as easy and because they are accustomed to men doing the pursuing anyway. There are just too many men pursuing too much for this dynamic to ever change. If most men all of a sudden were to hold back then women will be forced to do more of their share. In fact, the more men chase, the more women can afford to do nothing, which men pick up on and which creates an even bigger push for men to pursue. It's basically a positive feedback, a self-sustaining system, which starts from something less extreme, but which gradually snowballs into the great imbalance that exists right now.Think of it this way. Let's say I'm your business partner and you're more ambitious than I am. I can do less work and you will take up the slack, and the less work I do the more work you have to do to compensate because you want the business to succeed and you NEED me as your partner because I have something you want which you cannot produce yourself. This is the way it is with women. Women slack off when it comes to meeting men and men take up the slack because they WANT women and what they provide (female company and sex), and this is enforced by cultural norms. This culture tips the scale in the direction of men doing more and women doing less, which becomes the slippery slope which we now know as men doing too much and women doing too little, due to the effect of cultural conditioning and positive feedback which pulls even more men into the loop. Understanding how female archetypes and the men who love them interact reveals the deeply ingrained patterns in our dating culture.
Here's a thought experiment. Imagine a hot woman who is used to being approached all the time by men and who never does any approaching herself. Imagine if this woman were suddenly placed in a culture where the reverse dynamic takes place, in which women habitually approach men and men rarely approach women. This women would suddenly find herself dateless, and unless she were to start approaching men herself she will remain so. In fact, you can bet that after enough time has passed this woman will eventually start approaching men herself. The dynamic is stacked against her and she has no other choice but to play along.
Breaking The Cycle Through Collective Action
This hypothetical situation lends support to the positive feedback theory I mentioned. If there are enough people in an environment enforcing a certain dynamic, that dynamic will continue unhindered and draw in new enforcers (who will miss out if they don't play along). However, if there aren't enough people enforcing a certain dynamic then that dynamic will never take off and it will never become a noticeable part of the culture. Hence, to create a social dynamic (like the one I talk about), you need a minimum number of enforcers of that dynamic, and to diminish a dynamic you obviously need to remove the number of enforcers of that dynamic.A culture can condition its citizens to be enforcers of a certain dynamic, and once a critical number of enforcers is reached that dynamic becomes self-perpetuating. It is only when the society-wide harm done by this dynamic becomes so intolerable (relative to any gains), that large numbers of people start to forcibly take themselves out of the loop. In other words, these people recognize that any gains they receive by enforcing the dynamic (playing along) are no longer worth the misery that goes with it. As a result, they stop being enforcers and the dynamic begins to shift. The concept of how women in different cultures approach dating and relationships shows that this dynamic is not universal and can be changed.
Consequently, the only solution is for men to start collectively doing less where women are concerned, and start expecting women to be more proactive. This is one of those situations where a few independent minded individuals won't make any difference in the collective female behaviour. As such, the only real power an individual has is to refuse to play the game and to operate on the fringes of what works, such as by selecting only for those few females that aren't part of the collective bad batch.
But if we want women to start acting better as a whole, then men as a group have to start acting in accordance with that wish. In other words, we have to collectively exert selective pressure on women to force them to change, and if they don't, weed them out. The total package that drives women wild requires that men stop enabling the current imbalance. And this in turn becomes selective pressure of the biological kind in which their "bad behaviour genes" don't make it to the next generation.